on Death
I just looked at autopsy photos. I don't recommend it... unless you're planning to be a crime scene investigator or something, in which case I wonder about your sanity. I think something's wrong with those people.... Medical examiners too, those people have got to be mentally checked out, or aliens... or both.
I think a lot about things that I've found make other people really uncomfortable. I say that only because I have a tendency (as do most people) to talk about what I think about... and people freak out. One such subject is death. I've found that people are kind've superstitious about death. If I tell someone that I love them and hope they have a good life when I leave, and drop a 'just in case I die' they immediately respond with something along the line that I shouldn't talk like that. I'm used to that but lately I've been turning around and asking why? do they think that if I say something like that, it will make it more likely that I will die?
It bothers me because I think if something exists and it's not evil I should think about it. Then when everyone acts so hostile about the thought of it, I wonder if I'm missing something. They imply that my words hold some kind of power. Maybe I'm talking about it because it's about to happen to me. And if so how and when. I don't believe the thought will induce the deed... maybe other people do... if my thoughts induced deeds though I would definitely be a certain football player's baby mama right now... just saying... really people.
I've had a dream that I died in. I've been told that that is impossible. I don't understand that at all. I dreamed it a long time ago when I was in college. I was shot in the head by some stranger. I felt myself die and then when it went to nothing I woke up... no Heaven in my dream. Maybe I dreamed like that because since I was little I've been aware that death is coming. I was about 4 when I went to my first funeral and I had been to more by high school than some people have been to their whole life.
I'd been to funerals ranging from a 20 something pregnant woman who was murdered, a 40 something amazingly social man who died of a massive and sudden stroke to countless old people who had died of cancer, old age, and disease... then there were the two deaths that my mom didn't let me go to their funeral... My 16 year old neighbor Roland, who I had grown up around, who was shot in the head and killed by his best friend who was playing Russian roulette.... and my first crush Jesse who was stabbed to death in his front yard because he had said something rude to someone driving by....
I know death. I've even seen it. I was in the room looking at my grandma when she died. That seems somehow inappropriate to talk about. But is it? It's a fact.
I used to tell Mere all the time that I would never kill her, because I wouldn't, and I'm aware that some people would. I'd like to think no one I know would, but I've seen Dateline enough to know that it's usually people that you know that kill you. I think giving someone a heads up that it's going to be another friend and not you that will be doing the killing is pretty important when you are sleeping in the room next door.
If I was completely honest I'd admit that death is pretty scary. I know, however, how it works and what happens after. I refuse to not think about it because I don't understand it fully or cannot give it a test run to make sure I like how it feels.
I think a lot about things that I've found make other people really uncomfortable. I say that only because I have a tendency (as do most people) to talk about what I think about... and people freak out. One such subject is death. I've found that people are kind've superstitious about death. If I tell someone that I love them and hope they have a good life when I leave, and drop a 'just in case I die' they immediately respond with something along the line that I shouldn't talk like that. I'm used to that but lately I've been turning around and asking why? do they think that if I say something like that, it will make it more likely that I will die?
It bothers me because I think if something exists and it's not evil I should think about it. Then when everyone acts so hostile about the thought of it, I wonder if I'm missing something. They imply that my words hold some kind of power. Maybe I'm talking about it because it's about to happen to me. And if so how and when. I don't believe the thought will induce the deed... maybe other people do... if my thoughts induced deeds though I would definitely be a certain football player's baby mama right now... just saying... really people.
I've had a dream that I died in. I've been told that that is impossible. I don't understand that at all. I dreamed it a long time ago when I was in college. I was shot in the head by some stranger. I felt myself die and then when it went to nothing I woke up... no Heaven in my dream. Maybe I dreamed like that because since I was little I've been aware that death is coming. I was about 4 when I went to my first funeral and I had been to more by high school than some people have been to their whole life.
I'd been to funerals ranging from a 20 something pregnant woman who was murdered, a 40 something amazingly social man who died of a massive and sudden stroke to countless old people who had died of cancer, old age, and disease... then there were the two deaths that my mom didn't let me go to their funeral... My 16 year old neighbor Roland, who I had grown up around, who was shot in the head and killed by his best friend who was playing Russian roulette.... and my first crush Jesse who was stabbed to death in his front yard because he had said something rude to someone driving by....
I know death. I've even seen it. I was in the room looking at my grandma when she died. That seems somehow inappropriate to talk about. But is it? It's a fact.
I used to tell Mere all the time that I would never kill her, because I wouldn't, and I'm aware that some people would. I'd like to think no one I know would, but I've seen Dateline enough to know that it's usually people that you know that kill you. I think giving someone a heads up that it's going to be another friend and not you that will be doing the killing is pretty important when you are sleeping in the room next door.
If I was completely honest I'd admit that death is pretty scary. I know, however, how it works and what happens after. I refuse to not think about it because I don't understand it fully or cannot give it a test run to make sure I like how it feels.
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